I Got This!

I have been married for over 12 years now to the most interesting man I have ever met. My husband is funny, smart, crazy, sexy and just the coolest person to be around. Our life has been, to say the least, interesting. I would never use the word boring to describe it, either!

Jeff is a recovering alcoholic/addict. When I met him he was drunk. In fact he doesn't recall the first three times we met - at all. Jeff had an emotionally rough childhood. Although his father and step-mother may disagree, the events of his childhood combined with his genetic predisposition to addictions led to some very rocky times. Most people I know say they wouldn't have put up with the years of drama, police, arrests, court, poverty and all the struggles. I have been told how I'm a "saint". People have said they "admire" me for my courage. I don't see it that way. I just love my husband. I remembered the first 7 months of our relationship when he was sober. I stayed and prayed to one day get back to that time. It wasn't easy and at times I wanted to run far, far away. 2005 through October of 2006 were really bad. But, Jeff did get sober, he is sober. And for that I am tremendously proud of him. It has been the hardest, most trying thing I have ever been through, but I wouldn't change a minute of it.

Now, of course, it's easy to look back and laugh at some of the craziest moments. I love some of the Hi jinx we got up to over the years. My husband is the kind of guy who rushes in head first and then when things go badly, kicks himself for not thinking things through. I tell people if they ever hear him say "I got this" then they had better have 911 on speed dial because there will be sirens and uniforms involved!

One of my most favorite "I got this"stories is from the ice storm of 2003. We were still living in Kentucky, out in the country. We went to bed on a Saturday night and woke up to no power Sunday morning. Trees down every where and the ice! Well, our little rental house had a fireplace and we had a stock of wood in the car port. However, when you are burning it 24/7 it doesn't take long to go through it. We were out of dry wood by Tuesday. Jeff started burning the wet limbs that had fallen from the weight of the ice. It would burn, but it took for ever to catch.

Real early Wednesday morning the fire went out. He couldn't get it to light for anything! So, he goes out and gets a very small butter dish full of gas....can you see where this one is going? I said, "Baby, I really don't think that's a good idea." He says, "I got this". 30 seconds later the house is shaking, the kids are awaken from the sonic boom and Jeff is thrown clear across the living room floor.

He had burned the skin off the top of his right hand. He had no hair on his neck and no right eyebrow. His bear was singed and he was in pain. It was the only time in our life, before or since, that he has told me to take him to the doctor. We spent the night in the emergency room. It took weeks for the hand to heal and he still has nerve damage and scarring on his had. He wouldn't go near ANYTHING flammable for literally years. If the pilot light on the water heater went out, I'd have to light it! We didn't grill or light candles. He wouldn't even use a lighter that had a flame!

Then there was the time he was hitting golf balls off our front deck. Back in 2004 Jeff discovered Golf. He worked on a course as a grounds keeper and fell in love with the "challenge". I still don't get the point or the fascination, but whatever. He would put in the house, chip balls in the drive way and hit them off the deck. We lived at the top of a modest hill and so the balls would get some real distance! He would go to the local pawn shop and for $5 get a whole bucket of used golf balls. He would then hit the balls off the deck and pay the kids to go retrieve them. Fun for the whole family, right? So, this particular day, he was driving balls off the deck and the kids were retrieving them. I was on the road somewhere in Illinois or Iowa or some other Midwest corn waste land when I get a call, it went something like this:

Me,"Hey baby."
Him,out of breath,"Which card is for stitches?"
Me,"What? Who needs ...what?"
Him, "Don't have time to talk, which card is for stitches?"
Me, slightly panicked, "you only need the one card...go to the hospital!"

Now, I am totally stressed. All I could think was one of my kids had been mauled by the creepy looking, very untrustworthy rottweiler my landlords owned and let roam around. I called information, got the phone number for the only hospital in town and called the E.R.

Me," Yes, my name is Sarah Batz and my husband called me and so he should be there with one of my children needing medical attention."
Nurse," Oh yeah, he;s right here. Hold on."

Him," Hey baby, sorry bout that."
Me,"What the hell is going on!"
Him,"Well, I was golfing off the porch. And it was the last ball of the day and I sliced the ball - really hard - into Liz's face."
Me, "You did what??????"
Him, "Well, I couldn't stop it. It was like watching slow-mo. But Liz was really great. She didn't cry or anything. She just bent over cause she said she didn't want to bleed on her shoes. God, there was a lot of blood."
Me, "So how bad is it?"
Him, "The doctor is putting in stitches in her lip. He said it was lucky it only knocked the tooth loose a little bit."
Me, "Uhhh, Ok. Did you get the insurance taken care of?"
Him, "Yeah, I just didn't know which one to use for stitches."

See, the hilarity never stops!. Liz recovered just fine. She has a small scar on her upper lip. She went home after the ER visit and found the golf ball. She has it in her jewelry box. She also never goes outside when Jeff is golfing. If he grabs the clubs, she heads for the bedroom!

There was another time when I was on the road. This was in mid 2006 and we were not doing well. His drug and alcohol use had skyrocketed and I had decided to leave. The relationship was a mess. I sen the kids to stay with my mother and I was driving OTR for weeks at a time. I was never home because home was not a fun place.

This particular time, I was in Omaha, at the main terminal of the company I was driving for at the time. I was having work done on my truck and was hanging out in the driver's lounge when I get a call.

Me, irritation creeping in already,"Yeah baby."
Him, "Hey baby. Me and Drew were at the pub crawl in Charlotte and I need your help."
Me, "Why? what's wrong?"
Him, very drunk and giggling ridiculously, "I don't want you to get mad or nothing, but can't remember where I parked the car."
Me, very irritated, "And what do you want me to do about it. I don't know where you parked the damn thing."
Him, "I know where I parked it. It's over by the Bank building. I just don't know how to get over there."
Me, beyond irritated now, "And how the Hell am I supposed to know where that is? I'm in Omaha..Nebraska!! I don't know where you parked the car in Charlotte...North Carolina!!"
Him, "You don't have to get mad. I just figured you'd know the streets and you have a map and stuff."
Me, "I don't go down town Charlotte. I don't have a map of Charlotte. It's in the Car!!!"
Him, "Fine we'll figure it out."

I was yelling at him so loudly that I got ushered out of the lounge while I was still yelling! Oh sure, it's funny now. But then, it was the farthest thing from funny. And, it wasn't the first time he had called me to help him get un-lost. He has no sense of direction, drunk or sober. Just 2 months ago he called me because he got lost trying to get home from two towns over! I had to talk him all the way home. He never reads signs. Even the big green ones on the interstate. Every singel time we are on I40 going to I77 south I have to tell him which way to go. If I'm not with him, he always goes north and has to turn around - ALWAYS!!!

Like I said, it is never boring at our house. Our life together has been one crazy roller coaster ride. Fortunately, things have mellowed some. Partly because of the sobriety, partly because we've gotten older. But, he still, on occasion, pulls out the "I got this" card and I am always ready to call for help. I guess some things will never change - and that isn't such a terrible thing.