Life on the road

I have been driving a tractor trailer on and off for several years. I enjoy driving. I like going places I've not been before. I love the independence of being gone. The freedom of no boss, no office politics. I like being by myself, the quiet, the peace. But it's a lonely job. Especially for a married woman who really loves and adores her husband. I can stay gone for about 3 weeks before it really sets in and I'm tired, frustrated and lonely.

When I started driving in 2003, I was desperate to have enough money to pay my bills. Driving more than provided for me and my family. I was so excited to learn how to drive a truck. The very first time you get in that seat and look in the mirror, it's intimidating. The back of the truck and trailer seem to be a very, very long way away! But before you know it, you are part of the vehicle. Ironically, when I drive my car, I look like I'm drunk. I swing too wide in my turns, I take forever to change lanes, I put my turn signal on way to early and I can't back up that little car for anything! It's actually amazing I haven't been pulled over yet!

I also was having issues with my husband. Not to get too in depth here, but my darling husband has had a very rough past. His childhood was less than stellar and he fell into using drugs and alcohol to make his life easier to bear. When I started driving, I was unaware how severe his problems were. He was very good at covering and I was very good at ignoring.

I wanted to be gone - away from the pain and drama of my home life. Driving a truck was perfect to keep me from having to deal with what was happening at home. When you drive a truck over the road, you have to separate yourself. It's a different life style and you can't be wholly yourself. To be a successful truck driver you have to be gone. You only get paid if your wheels are rolling. Therefore, you can't be home every night or even every weekend. I was regularly gone 4 weeks at a time. Being gone like that wreaks havoc on the strongest relationship. If that relationship is rocky, you are going to destroy it.

It starts out simply enough, innocuously enough. You don't mean for your mind to wander. You call home regularly. You make your vows of love and faithfulness. But there's many a slip betwixt the cup and the lip. Life is not as simple as that when you are a woman driving solo on the road hundreds of miles from what is normal and safe.

See, when you drive alone and are a female, it is imperative that you always think of your safety. You always park under lights, as close to the building as possible. You must pay attention to your surroundings at all times. You have to find the very fine line between being polite and being flirty. You must be aware of what you wear, how you walk, how you talk, what you say and to whom you say it. You must always be aware of who is listening - in the truck stop , at the warehouse, on the CB.

My very first week solo, I was parked for the night at a rest area in VA off I-95. I had no sooner gotten ready for bed and climbed under the covers when my faithful trucking puppy, Precious went absolutely nuts. Barking and jumping around the cab. I jumped out of bed and checked all my windows. Someone had tried to pry open my triangle window on the driver's side. If not for having a 100 pound rottweiler barking her fool head off, I may not be here to type this!

That is one of many stories I have personally had that made me nervous to be on the road. And my stories are not too different from other women who drive for a living. It is hard to be a man driving and away from the family. But as a woman, it is not only hard, but dangerous. I have been told many stories of women being assaulted, raped, and even killed just trying to do their job. Even if a woman manages to never have to face a dangerous situation, we all have to deal with the unwanted attention and ridiculous come-ons by men day in and out.

I was in Washington state, laid over waiting to cross the border into Canada, back in the fall. I was at a truck stop cleaning out my cab when a man twice my age approached my truck. He said, "I want to apologize. I heard a loud noise and when I looked over here, I saw the top half of your tattoo. I am embarrassed for staring and I wanted to say I am sorry." Now, this seemed genuine, so I accepted his apology. No big deal right? It would have been, except the next words out of his mouth were, "Well since I saw the top if it, I guess you'll have to show me the rest now." Mind you, the tattoo he "saw" was what is commonly referred to as a "tramp stamp". So, you can guess where he was "looking". I of course was totally irritated at his comment. I replied that only my husband is allowed to see the rest of that tattoo, promptly rolled up my window and turned up the radio!

Honestly! The balls on these men. As if I, or any other woman is screaming for that kind of attention. The worst part of course, is If you are sitting anywhere for a period of time, it can be hard to avoid these people. I was very uncomfortable after that exchange. We were both in the same truck stop for over a day. I had to avoid him, make sure he was not out when I needed to go to the bathroom or get something to eat.

There was another time a few years ago where I had a man literally stalking me at a terminal. I had two other male drivers who accompanied me where ever I went to keep the man away. I know I was not "just making it up" because both of the other drivers witnessed the man's unwanted, unencouraged advances. I am not bragging - after all who would be proud of such attention? I am nothing to write home about - IMO - and I have never gone out of my way to encourage these responses. I have been told I can be "flirty" or "overly friendly" but I am just being me.

The point here is, when a woman is out alone driving, she has to put up with this sort of ridiculous, unwanted attention. And, if you don't harden yourself to it very early, you can get sucked into a dangerous place - emotionally, physically and even spiritually. If you have a rocky relationship, finding the positive, ego-boosting attention on the road is not hard to do. As a female, there are men lining up to be "Mr. Right Now". It's empowering to have people compliment you, hit on you, adore you. I, like many drivers, fell into this trap. It wasn't very far to fall either.

I was a different person on the road. I was the worst me I could be at times. I was selfish and self-centered. I got sucked into the idea that since I paid all the bills I could do what ever I wanted. I justified my behavior based on my income level. I wanted more than I was deserving of. I made bad decisions and I regret many of them. I have others that well, as awful as it sounds, don't regret at all. If not for the experiences I had, I would not be the person I am now.

But in the end, I was still me. Simply put. I wanted to be with my true soul mate. The man who put up with me and loved me no matter what so I stopped driving for a while. My husband and I found each other again. We realized our lives were much better together than they would ever be apart. He gave up the alcohol and drugs and I gave up my "trucker life". We have been much stronger for the experience. We forgave each other our weaknesses.

It's hard to be married, it's even harder to be married and always be apart. Some people make it work, some try and fail and others - like my husband and I - walk through the fire and are tempered even stronger than before. Driving is my passion. I love driving a truck more than just about anything - but I love my husband more.